Dads Deserve a Doula Too!
Forward by Emily Fontes, followed by real stories from dads.
So your partner is going to have a baby. Wow. There is a lot of information for her out there. You might have noticed her buried in a pile of pregnancy books or spending hours on the internet at pregnancy websites. Maybe you are only here because you are trying to keep her from having another pregnancy meltdown. She keeps talking about doulas and birth plans and agonizing over crib bumpers or paint swatches. In the middle of wondering how having a baby became so complicated, all you can think about is...
- “How in the heck are we going to pay for all of this?”
- “I just want my wife and baby to be healthy.”
- “The birth is freaking me out! I don't know how I'm going to handle seeing her in pain during labor. What am I going to do?”
I know there is alot of pressure out there to be the perfect birth coach and the perfect husband and the perfect dad. In some ways thats a good thing. A little pressure helps us become stronger. You know you can handle the stress as long as you have a plan and you are equipped, right?
So how exactly can a doula help you out?
During the birth, a doula is like your concierge, your coach, your caddy, your wingman (wingwoman?) and your mentor. Take all those concepts and apply them to birth and that is a doula in a nutshell. We are like the cliff-notes for birth coaching but live and in person!
Do you know you are already a genious birth coach? Or rather... you have the potential to be! Dads have an amazing ability to perform under pressure. The only hitch is: you need to know what to do. That’s why dads and doulas make a great team. The doula has the knowledge... the dad has the willingness. You also have something we can never have... a heart bursting with love for your wife and your baby. With the support of a doula, you are free to be as involved as you want to be because we have your back!
We are happy to let you take all the credit. That's right! If we think she needs a change of position, we will suggest it to you and then you help her move into it. If we think she would love to have a hand massage, we'll put that bug in your ear and show you how to do it. That way, when all is said and done, she will think you are a rock star! (Don't worry, we'll do our fair share too... there is always enough work to go around during birth.) One of our favorite things is sending dads off to take a nap during the slow, early part of labor when she needs help but birth isn't imminent. We also make sure you get lots of bathroom breaks and good food during the birth.
A Real Story from a Real Dad
Having a Doula for our first birth was a very wise decision. Being a new Father I was completely unsure of what my role would be, well I had some idea. But when it happens in real time it is very easy to become overwhelmed by the situation, and either shutdown or simply let other people step up and take a more prominent role in the birth of your child. Emily Fontes was very encouraging to me during this process. She was confident and sure of herself and of the advice she was giving me in how to assist my wife Jen. Emily's confidence and experience did a world of good in keeping me calm.
Early in the day Emily came to our house and was a great assistance in helping us determine when the right time to go to the hospital had arrived. This is very important, as going to early can cause unneeded stress on a already very stressful day. Emily used her expertice in guiding Jen through the first few hours of labor and even sent me upstairs to take a nap! This proved to be great advice.
We had a goal of having a nonmedicated birth. Emily supported us all the way through. In fact I don't think we would have acheived that goal without her calming presence. Emily's confidence, experience and advice guided us through a beautiful birthing process. She is worthy of the highest praise, and I am so thankful that she was our doula. I would not venture into that process again without someone like Emily to have at our side. I highly recommend Emily, you will not regret that decision, ever.
Sincerely, Richard A. Ross, first time dad to Harli
